there is an appointed time for everything, and a time for every affair under the heavens.
ecclesiastes 3:1
over the break, my papers for paris got messed up and, after all the efforts i've exerted, the internship had to be cancelled. i asked the director about my options and he informed me that only the full-time schools are open. in the us, there was miami, san francisco and minneapolis. in europe, there was hamburg. i tried hamburg.
my dad finds that decision irrational. according to him, paris and hamburg are not english-speaking countries and i would therefore not learn anything. he believes i should have applied for london instead.
he does have a point. it just so happens that in our school, the issue of language has never been raised [except for the madrid campus which requires that you speak spanish] so i had not given it any thought. for the students, all that mattered was whether the program was good or not in that particular location.
for my first quarter away, i decided to take a small step. i simply chose new york. we were given three choices. i only made one. i figured i'd go to europe next time, i had already cancelled out london because of the feedback.
london. students are excited about it. until they actually go there and in their own words "are banished in the basement to produce tons of ideas" of which they have no idea what happened. it turns out they have no interaction with the people at the agency whatsoever and couldn't get feedback on their work.
as per my earlier conviction, i applied for paris, amsterdam and hamburg after new york. i got my first choice. only to find out that my parents did not support this decision. i don't take it against them, i just wish i had known earlier so i wouldn't have exhausted myself pushing for it.
i would have wanted to go to amsterdam instead. but it was a greenhouse program, meaning the classes were gonna take place in an ad agency, and the students had already been chosen.
why did i pick these locations? because it was hard to get the paris internship. there were two agencies we were gonna intern in: saatchi and saatchi paris and ogilvy & mather. there were only eight spots, the fact that they chose me over all the other applicants meant i wasn't wasting my time studying here. amsterdam would have lent my portfolio a different perspective. it's such an open country and there is so much freedom in advertising that my classmates always said, and i agree, that it would be particularly good for me. i was excited for it because i was sure i wouldn't get paris. oh well. hamburg was a full-time school which they say is intense so i thought i'd give it a shot.
around the time this was all happening, my best friend sheryl came to new york. reunited after a decade, we wanted to make the most of her two-week stay. so inspite of all the stress and, in times when i couldn't control it, the tears, i put on a brave front and resolved to enjoy our time together.
apparently, that was a mistake. with all the pictures that paint only the good side of the story, my family began to think everything was just that good on my end. and in the last few days, an explosion of what i can only describe as hurtful accusations unfolded. they were painful not only because they questioned my character but because i had no idea where they came from. i was surprised that people felt that way and was confused as to why they felt that way at all.
interestingly, i came across a few blogs that should have prepared me.
najah's blog reminded me that god has a plan, only i was too focused on my spring classes that i did not take in the full meaning of that message. then
another blog talked to me about perseverance. sadly, by then i had already decided to give up and go back home. [yes, to dubai.]
i pulled through at the last minute, thinking things were already settled. i was wrong. but i am standing by my decision.
i am still hurt, still confused and still trying to understand. for a moment, i lost sight of him. but i know better now. i will stand strong no matter what others say. i will stay
committed. i seek nothing else; god, i just need you to love me.
